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Showing 0 - 9 of 163 Blonde Jokes
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Bird Dog |
469 views
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There were once these two blondes who were sitting around bored and alone one day. They noticed an article in the paper where they were selling bird dogs. Well they had heard that dogs make excellent companions so they went out to buy one. They brought the dog home and fell instantly in love with him. They had heard somewhere that bird dogs were smart and good at what they do. So the two blondes decided to take the dog outside and watch him do what he is was so good at doing. They tried it out a couple of times, but the blondes came off more disappointed than amazed at what the dog could do. Finally one of the blondes was sick and tired of waiting, she suddenly shouted out THAT'S IT! We'll give this dog one more chance. We'll throw him up in the air one more time and if he doesn't fly we're taking him back to the STORE! |
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Dumb Ass Blonde |
466 views
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Do you know what one blonde said to the other blonde?
I don't no either cause I'm blonde also. |
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Exploding Farts |
75 views
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There was a blonde a brunette & a red head. They got on to a plane and the red head said, ‘‘I don't want this apple anymore.'' The brunette says, '' I don't want this rock anymore.'' And the blonde says ''I don’t want this bomb either.'' So they all throw them out the window of the plane. When they got off the plane they got into a taxi and drove down the street and see a little girl crying. They say what’s wrong? The little girl says, ''An apple flew out of the sky and killed my grandmother'' and they say "oh well". They drove on and see a teenage girl crying and they say, "What’s wrong?" And she says, "A rock flew out of the sky and killed my dog.'' They say, "Oh well" and drive on. They see a little boy laughing his a$$ off and they say, "What are you laughing about?" He says, ''I farted and the building behind me blew up!!!!!'' |
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Blonde, Redhead And Brunette In A Potato Farm |
130 views
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Three girls were on the run from the cops - a red head, a brunette, and a blonde. During the subsequent high speed chase the red head spotted a potato farm and suggested that the girls should hide out there.
Once at the farm all three girls girls climbed into a potato sack. The cops came to the potato farm, looked around, but saw no sign of the girls. The sheriff started kicking potato sacks to see if maybe they were hiding.
The sheriff kicked the bag with the red head in it and she yelped "Bark Bark" so they thought it was a dog. He kicked another sack, this one with the brunette in it, and she said "Meow Meow" so they thought it was a cat. Finally, just as the sheriff was about to give up - he kicked one last bag, with the blonde inside, and heard "POTATO!" |
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Renting An Adult Movie |
130 views
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A blond decides to do something she's never done before - rent a dirty movie. She drives to the local Video Warehouse and makes here way to the adult section in the back. After looking around at titles, she selects a something that sounds very stimulating.
She drives home, lights some candles, slips into something comfortable, and puts the tape in the VCR. To her disappointment there's nothing but static on the screen. She calls the store to complain and says, "I just rented an adult movie from you and there's nothing on the tape, but static."
The clerk apologized about the defective video and asked, "Which title did you rent?" The blond replied, "It's called 'Head Cleaner.'" |
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Milk Bath For Beauty |
89 views
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An older blonde woman heard through a friend that taking a milk bath is good for the skin, will cure stretch marks and make her beautiful again. So she left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk instead of the usual amount.
When the milkman arrived, and read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons so he knocked on her door to clarify the point. The woman came to the door, and the milkman said, "Yes ma'am, I found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 1.5 gallons?"
The blonde said, "I want 15 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath."
The milkman asked, "Do you want it Pasteurized?"
The blonde replied, "Nope, just up to my boobs, I can splash it in my eyes." |
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Blonde's way to drive..... |
89 views
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A blonde decided that she was tired of her empty life. She cut her hair and dyed it brown, and set off for a drive. She wanted to do random acts of kindness to see if it would change her life.
While driving through the countryside, she came across a farmer who was trying to get his sheep across the road. She stopped her car and waved the farmer across, thinking this would be her first good deed.
After the sheep had all crossed, the blonde said to the farmer, "your sheep are so cute. If I guess how many there are, could I have one."
The farmer thought it impossible and told the blonde it was okay. "637", said the blonde.
The farmer was amazed that the blonde had guessed the exact number, but lived up to his bargain.
"I'll take that feisty one over there", said the blonde.
Then the farmer said to the blonde, "Okay, now if I guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?
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Renting Apartment |
289 views
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A PROSPEROUS businessman propositioned a beautiful girl and she agreed to spend the night with him for $500. When he was ready to leave in the morning, he told her that he didn’t have any money with him but he would have his secretary write a check for it and make it out as “RENT FOR APARTMENT”
On the way to the office, he decided that the whole thing wasn’t worth the price he had agreed to pay. So he advised his secretary to send the check for $250 and include the following note:
Dear Madam:
Enclosed is my check in the amount of $250 for rent of your apartment. I am not sending the amount we have agreed upon, because when I rented the apartment, I was under the impression:
1. it had never been occupied.
2. it had never been occupied
3. it was small.
Last night, I found that it had been occupied, there wasn’t any heat and it was entirely too large.
Upon the receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the check with the following note:
Dear Sir,
I am returning your check for $250. I can not understand how you could expect such a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied. As for the heat, there was plenty of it, if you know how to turn it on. As for the size, it isn’t my fault if you didn’t have sufficient furniture to fill it in. |
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The Amish man |
1451 views
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An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were
amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two
shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together
again. The boy asked his father, "What is this, Father?"
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded "Son,
I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't
know what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed an
old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls
and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady
rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed
and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights
with numbers above the walls light up. They continued to
watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The
walls opened up again and a beautiful 24 year old
woman stepped out.
The father said to his son, "Go get your Mother." |
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Leaving early from work |
1836 views
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Three girls all worked in the same office with the same female boss. Each day, they noticed the boss left work early. One day, the girls decided that, when the boss left, they would leave right behind her. After all, she never called or came back to work, so how would she know they went home early?
The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening, spent playtime with her son, and went to bed early. The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the spa before meeting a dinner date. The blonde was happy to get homeearly and surprise her husband, but when she got to her bedroom, she heard a muffled noise from inside. Slowly and quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with her boss! Gently, she closed the door and crept out of her house.
The next day, at their coffee break, the brunette and redhead planned to leave early again, and they asked the blonde if she was going to go with them. "No way," the blonde exclaimed. "I almost got caught yesterday!" |
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Showing 0 - 9 of 163 Blonde Jokes
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