Jokes
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Top 10 Viagra Slogans |
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THE TOP 10 MARKETING SLOGANS FOR VIAGRA:
* Viagra, The quicker dicker upper
* Viagra, One-a-day, like iron
* Viagra, When it absolutely, positively has to be there tonight
* Viagra, Home of the whopper
* Viagra, It plumps when you take 'em
* Viagra, Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman
* Viagra, Tastes great, more filling
* Viagra, Ten inches long ... and growing.
* Viagra, We work harder, so you don't have to.
* This is your penis. This is your penis on drugs. Any questions? |
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Ugly Man |
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An ugly man walks into his local pub with a big grin on his face.
"What are you so happy about?" asks the barman.
"Well, I'll tell you, " replies the ugly man. "You know I live by the railroad tracks. Well, on my way home last night, I noticed a young woman tied to the tracks, like in the films. I, of course, went and cut her free and took her back to my place. Anyway, to make a long story short, I scored big time! We made love all night, all over the house. We did everything, me on top, sometimes her on top, every position I could get her into!" "Fantastic!" exclaimed the barman.
"You lucky bastard, was she pretty?" "Dunno. Never found her head."
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A young peasant girl of fourteen... |
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A young peasant girl of fourteen went to work in a broom
factory. After 2 months she gave the boss a two-week notice.
The boss was quite unhappy to let her go since she was hard
working, knew her tasks etc. He called her into his office, "But
why?" he asked.
"Nothin, I just wanna quit that's all," she said sullenly.
"Look, I'll give you a raise."
"No," she said
"You can't just quit like that. There must be a reason. Tell me."
"Okay if you must know..." said the girl, and she took off her
underwear and pointed to her pubic hair, "Look I haven't had
this before, it's the broom's bristles, I tell you..."
Tickled by her innocence, he too took off his underwear and
showed his, and said, "Ha ha...my dear it's nature. Look I have
it too...."
"Oh no!" the girl cried, "I can't wait two weeks, I quit now! Not
only do you have the bristles, but you've grown the handle as
well." |
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Sword playing |
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Two bums were sitting on a street curb, bored as ever.
Then, one of them got an idea, saying "I know, let's play swords!"
"Play swords?" asked the other. "How?" "Simple. Whip it out, smack
it till it's hard, and we both whack'em together like swords."
So they did, and they were running up and down the street, smacking
their dicks together playing swords.
Then, a gay man walked up to them and inquired about their actions.
"We're playing swords!" yelled one of the bums.
The gay man wanted to play too. An hour later, the gay man was becoming
exhausted. "I'm tired," he said. He bent over saying, "kill me!, kill
me!!"
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A name for a penis |
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A guy walks into a bar ... once inside, he realizes it's a
gay bar, but he decides, "What the heck, I really want a drink."
So he sits down at the bar, and the gay bartender says to him, "What's
the name of your penis?"
The guy says, "Look, I'm not into any of that. All I want is a drink."
The gay bartender says, "I'm sorry, but I can't serve you until you
tell me the name of your penis."
So the guy looks at the man sitting to his left who is sipping on a
beer and asks, "Hey bud, what's the name of your penis?" The man to
left, with a smile, looks back and says, "TIMEX."
The guy asks, "Why Timex?" The fella proudly replies, "Cause it takes
a lickin' and keeps on tickin'!"
A little shaken, the guy turns to the fella on his right sipping on a
fruity margarita, "So, what do you call your penis?" The man to his
right turns to him and proudly exclaims, "FORD, because quality is Job
1", he then ads, "Have you driven a Ford lately?"
Even more shaken, the guy has to think for a moment before he comes up
with a name for his penis. He turns to the bartender and exclaims,
"The name of my penis is SECRET. Now give me my beer."
The bartender begins to pour the guy a beer, but with a puzzled look
asks, "Why secret?"
The guy says, "because it's strong enough for a man but made for a
woman!"
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Still in CRATE |
550 views
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A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch.
Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. He finally gets himself to the
doctor. He says, "How bad is it doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next week
and my fiancee is still a virgin." The doc said, "I'll have to put your
penis in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay
next week." So he took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little
4-sided splint, held together with surgical wire. It was an impressive
work of art. The guy mentions none of this to his girlfriend. They marry
and on their honeymoon night in the motel room, she rips open her blouse
to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts. This was the first time he ever saw
them. She says, "You are the first, no one has ever touched these
breasts."
He pulls down his pants, whips out his splinted cock and says, "Look at
this beauty, it's still in the CRATE!"
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Granny Puts Viagra in the Coffee |
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This elderly lady went to the doctor for a check-up. Everything checked out fine.
The old lady pulled the doctor to the side and said, "Doctor, I haven't had sex for years now and I was wondering how I can increase my husband's sex drive."
The doctor smiled and said, "Have you tried to give him Viagra?"
The lady frowned. "Doctor, I can't even get him to take aspirin when he has a headache," she claimed.
"Well," the doctor continued, "Let me suggest something. Crush the Viagra into a powder. When you are giving him coffee, stir it into the coffee and serve it. He won't notice a thing."
The old lady was delighted. She left the doctor's office quickly.
Weeks later the old lady returned. She was frowning and the doctor asked her what was wrong. She shook her head.
"How did it go?" the doctor asked.
"Terrible, doctor, terrible."
"Did it not work?"
"Yes," the old lady said, "It worked. I did as you said and he got up and ripped his clothes off right then and there and we made mad love on the table. It was the best sex that I'd had in 25 years."
"Then what is the problem, ma'am?"
"Well," she said. "I can't ever show my face in McDonald's again."
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Longest Scream |
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Three friends decided to bet each other $100 on who could make their wives scream more from sex.
They all go home to have sex with their wives and make them scream.
The next day the meet. The first friend says, "I made love to my wife for 2 hours and she was screaming for at least 1 1/2 hours."
The second friend says, "That's nothing, I start licking my wife for two hours and she was screaming the whole time and half hour after that."
The third friend says, " That's nothing, I made love to my wife for ten minutes, I came a couple times I wiped my Dick in the curtain and she still screaming."
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On Honeymoon |
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A young couple got married. On their honeymoon, they were very anxious about having sex because they were both virgins. Because of their sexual inexperience, they were a bit uncomfortable discussing the subject so they came up with the term "doing the laundry" to use in place of "having sex."
This made them both more comfortable with the whole concept. Well, the first night of their honeymoon was wonderful. They "did the laundry" 5 times that first night. In the middle of the night the new husband woke up, and he was ready to do the laundry again. He gently shook his new wife and asked her, "Can we do the laundry again?" but she was very tired.
She told him that she just couldn't do it again just yet. Maybe in the morning. A few hours later the new wife awoke feeling very guilty. What he had asked for wasn't unreasonable, and she decided she should go ahead and "do the laundry" with him again.
She gently shook him and said, "Honey, I'm sorry I denied you... We can do the laundry again if you want,"
He replied, "That's ok... It was a small load... I did it by hand." |
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New Secretary |
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Two guys were discussing the new secretary at their office. John to George: "Man, I dated her last Tuesday and we had wonderful sex. She's a lot better in bed than my wife!"
Two days later. George to John: "Well, I dated her too and we had sex as well, but I still think your wife is better in bed! |
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